I feel like I’m drowning in a pool full of ill-written papers, failure marks, and uncontrolled tears that occasionally slip from my eyes after seeing the mess I’ve gotten myself into.

I thought I could do this; take two AP classes, have an 8th period, and complete an exhausting nursing program while still having time to focus on myself. I was wrong. I’m failing English, I have no time to complete all of my assignments by the time they are due, and I’m struggling play my sport to the best of my ability. Life has thrown many curve balls my way over the years but I’ve knocked them out of the park; however, this is different. This is caused by my own actions.

Now I’m going to reveal how you too can become a failure, just like me.

Here’s how to become unsuccessful in 11th grade:

Step one- Over schedule yourself. Request those hard AP classes then commit to six other things just as school is about to begin. This will not only stress you out to the point of taking naps everyday, but it will also aide in your failure of those classes as you won’t have time to complete any homework by the time stamp next to the word DUE in canvas.

Step two- Nap everyday. You might need a nap or two a day and that is okay! Those naps are taking away time to complete your 15 missing assignments which means more stress on you and more naps to accommodate the pressure.

Step three- Have a social life. This is a big one. With a social life, you’ll be able to procrastinate all of those missing assignments even further as you’ll be out and about with friends and family. You’ll even be able to excel at your sport while having more time to practice! This will take away stress temporarily until the end of your engagement, when reality crashes around you and you leave in a panic. Now you’ve added onto the list of missing assignments, left your peers questioning your actions, and finally, filled that pool of failure to the brim.

After all of these steps, you should be in a corner crying because your mother yelled at you over your grades in the gradebook, if not, then just repeat the steps and you’ll be in fetal position at the parent-teacher conference.

I hope this helped you on your journey to become an unsuccessful 11th grader because it sure was a major part in mine.